A EUROVISION prediction algorithm it tipped the Netherlands to romp home by a whopping 100 points - with the UK finishing a lowly 20th with 75 points.
The Dutch have not won for 44 years since 1975 and finished 18th last year - but Duncan Laurence's song Arcade is tipped to storm to victory ahead of Azerbaijan in second and Australia in third.
Boffins at spread betting firm Star Spreads have factored in variables such past performance, voting patterns and critical reception to make a full table prediction for the first time ever - and it reads grimly for the UK entrant Michael Rice whose song Bigger than Us is set to not challenge the top 10 yet again.
The predicted result of 75 points falls neatly into the pattern of recent poor form for the UK - since the voting method was changed in 2016, 75 points will have seen them finish 23rd last year (they ended up 24th out of 26 nations with 62 points), 21st in 2017 (they finished 15th on 111 points) and 22nd in 2016 (when they came 24th with 48 points).
And for those who think the UK still have an outside shot of glory in Tel Aviv, it gets worse as Star Spreads give the UK a measly 0.5% chance of winning, with a 25 per cent chance of finishing BOTTOM of the pile for the third time since 2010.
However Star Spreads tip last place to go to Germany, another member of the 'Big 5' countries who qualify automatically each year - their entry Sister by pop duo Sisters has been predicted to end up on just 12 points from the jury and televoting rounds. Hosts Israel look set to finish on 16th on 102 points and traditional Scandinavian powerhouses Sweden coming fourth.
Eurovision remains one of the biggest non-sport betting events in the calendar, with over £25 million set to be wagered on this year's competition. The Netherlands are the hot favourites for glory with an almost 50% chance of victory.
A Star Spreads spokesperson said: "The Dutch, one of the longest serving competitors in the competition's history, have had a poor Eurovision run in the past few years, but we predict Duncan Laurence's uplifting song to sail to victory.
"But it makes for grim reading for the UK once again. Barring a pleasant surprise, a score of 75 points leaves Michael Rice in real danger of finishing in the bottom five again, with the search for a respectable finish continuing for yet another year.
"The only crumb of comfort for Brits is that we have only finished higher than 20th once in the past four years - so it would represent the mildest of improvements - and that old foe Germany are likely to finish below us."
Final Points Table from Star Spreads:
1st The Netherlands: 615pts
2nd Azerbaijan: 515pts
3rd Australia: 424pts
4th Sweden: 387pts
5th Iceland: 323pts
6th North Macedonia: 305pts
7th Switzerland: 248pts
8th Norway: 226pts
9th Russia: 194pts
10th Greece: 157pts
11th Spain: 145pts
12th Italy: 143pts
13th France: 132pts
14th Cyprus: 115pts
15th Estonia: 114pts
16th Israel: 102pts
17th Czech Republic: 94pts
18th Denmark: 79pts
19th Albania: 78pts
20th United Kingdom: 75pts
21st Serbia: 72pts
22nd Slovenia: 62pts
23rd Belarus: 55pts
24th Malta: 52pts
25th San Marino: 32pts
26th Germany: 12pts