AS A rule of thumb, the Irish are a laid back bunch - but certain things can really grind our gears.
Authors Colin Murphy and Brendan O'Reilly have come up with a stellar list of these irritations in their new book In the name of Jaysus! Stuff that drives Irish people round the feckin' bend.
And we have pulled together just a small selection of their gripes for you to enjoy.
1. Foreigners who think we’re part of Britain
Despite decades of global TV coverage of the North, and despite virtually every westernised country having a ginormous Irish population, you still get the occasional eejit who thinks we’re Brits.
2. The ban on alcohol sales on Good Friday
One of the gas side-effects of this ban is known as the Holy Thursday Stampede. You can observe this in any supermarket where you’ll see queues of head-the-balls with trolleys crammed with trays of beer, multi-packs of wine and litres of spirits.
3. Irish people using British-speak
Thanks, of course, to our nation being force-fed British soaps and shows, such as the seriously awful X-Factor, it is becoming more common to hear people use words and phrases like ‘ball & chain’, ‘plonker’, ‘jimmy riddle, ‘chin wag’ and ‘a cuppa cha’.
4. Bad imitations of an Irish accent
There you are, enjoying your movie on a Saturday night and then suddenly an Irish character enters the plot and starts saying things like ‘Well, bey de hokey, t’isn’t it a grand soft day, me deer? Roight! Let’s go te de pub and Oil buy ye a noice point of shtout, begob.’
5. Over the top First Holy Communions
Grown-ups like to tell their kids that when they made their First Communion they were given something like a fiver in total, or six shillings and a handful of farthings. So they must be sick with jealousy that the average amount that a child gets nowadays in €591.
6. The British claiming one of ours
If there’s one thing that can drive an Irish person as mad as a rabid dog in a spin dryer, it’s when the British media claim for themselves someone who is obviously 110 per cent Irish.
7. Machines talking to us in foreign accents
You scan a tin of beans and place it on the metal shelf in the self-service area of the supermarket. Unfortunately, the thing didn’t scan properly and next thing a woman with a posh British accent announces: ‘Unexpected item in the bagging area’.
8. The way the whole country grinds to a standstill when there’s a few centimetres of snow
Massive tailbacks in all major Irish cities. People abandoning cars. Bus services cancelled or curtailed. Flights diverted. Ferry sailings cancelled. Huge upsurge in people calling into work sick. Hospitals inundated with admissions.
Text taken from "In the name of Jaysus! Stuff that drives Irish people around the feckin' bend" by Colin Murphy and Brendan O'Reilly. The book is out now. RRP £7.99
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