This article was first published on A Lust for Life, an Irish award-winning wellbeing movement created to transform how we talk about and treat mental health.
AS WE GET closer to the Christmas period in an age where time is rushing past us at an ever-increasing pace, I would like to take a moment to discuss the myth of this “most wonderful time of the year.”
As radio stations blast out cheery tunes of fun, laughter and joy I begin to ask myself what does this period at the end of an already stressful year feel to our psyche.
Just to clarify from the beginning I am not a bahumbug ready to rain on the Christmas parade, I enjoy it just as much as the next person but I would like to acknowledge that everyone experiences this time of the year differently and it’s important to mind ourselves as we navigate through the next few weeks.
I would first like to normalise some of the feelings we can grapple with before, during and after this time of year.
Hands up who has felt anxiety, guilt, stress, worry, sadness, loss? At a time when TV advertisements portray perfect families, a sense of love and calm, what happens when our reality does not match this?
What happens when our reality does not match our expectation of Christmas? (Picture: iStock)Christmas is emotional for better and for worse. It is a time that brings families together, friends together, and it highlights the generosity of people. It can be humbling, loving and special and this is what I love about it.
It can be an end of year blow out where we party like it’s 1999, we throw caution to the wind and we say “see ya later” to the diets. Maybe it’s just what we need but it is also a time where we need to mind our mental health.
At a time when TV advertisements portray perfect families, a sense of love and calm, what happens when our reality does not match this?
Everything is exaggerated during this time. Our expectations can increase which in turn can lead to greater disappointment.
We can put more pressure on ourselves financially and emotionally. “I have to” “We must” are regular offenders in our vocabulary in the lead up to Christmas and we can find ourselves expecting too much from others or denying ourselves what we truly want.
All of this combined can have a very strong effect on our mental health and enjoyment of this holiday.
It seems to me that there is an underlying pressure at play around Christmas and New Year. Ever noticed the emphasis is more about the diets, looking good in that party dress, showing up and drinking to excess?
Christmas is a season with the potential to feel absolutely blissful or absolute torment with varying degrees in between.
I believe we are more susceptible to triggers and pressure at this time. Anxiety and low mood can be increased.
Our self-esteem and inner confidence can be challenged, having to force ourselves to go out because “it’s expected” can cause anxiety.
Beer fear after mindless nights outs and memory loss can certainly cause low mood and panic and magazines churning out diet and exercise regimes can force us to put pressure on ourselves to look good “because everybody else does."
'Beer fear' can cause low moods and anxiety over the Christmas period. (Picture: iStock)Christmas is a season with the potential to feel absolutely blissful or absolute torment with varying degrees in between. I feel this is worth taking seriously as it can be like navigating through a mine field of feelings and emotions.
“We don’t have enough money.”
“I have to work.”
“I hate my family.”
“I miss him/her.”
These thoughts combining with an expectation to enjoy ourselves can cause confusion, inner conflict and forces us to perhaps put a fake smile on our faces when all we might want to do is scream.
What to do:
So, if these are some of the triggers and home truths about our emotional wellbeing around this time of year what can be done about it? I certainly don’t have all the answers but things I feel that would be more helpful would be the following.
Look out for each other and never assume how anyone might be feeling.
That guy you see smiling laden down with Christmas shopping bags or that girl you know out partying and having fun may just be the ones feeling burdened, worried or alone.
Lower your expectations, of others and yourself.
We are all just doing our best and this season will come and go just like the rest of them so why pressurise yourself by expecting things to be a certain way.
Spend within your means.
Shops are targeting us to spend and buy more than what we need. Spend wisely and with your eyes open. Who are you really buying for?
Have fun but be conscious of your drinking pattern.
Be aware of how drinking to excess might affect both your body and mind during and after the silly season.
Be mindful that this time may trigger loss or grief.
Take time out for yourself for this reason. It can be an emotional experience so you will need to be your own best friend as you work your way through the process.
So finally, Nollaig Shona everyone and every good wish for 2018. It’s been a long year so no matter how you may feel I wish you a good rest and some fun along the way.
If you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services.
For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
Samaritans 116 123 or email [email protected]
Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email [email protected] – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
Caroline Murphy is an IACP accredited psychotherapist working in Galway City. She holds an honours degree with PCI college, Dublin and works with a wide range of issues with a special interest in self esteem. You can find Caroline Murphy on Twitter @carolinecorcor3.
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