1. The fact that it begins in November. I’m sick of that ruddy John Lewis ad already.
2. Christmas shopping madness. Elbowing elderly people out of the way so you can get the last carton of cream in M&S for your mum, parking rage, waking up in a sweat on Christmas Eve thinking 'Holy Christ I forgot to get something for my cousin’s niece’s next door neighbour’. ALL WRONG.
3. Brussels sprouts. I know they contain every nutrient you will ever need but they are always served undercooked (like bullets) or overcooked (like waterlogged mini cabbages). Either way, they are the most satanic of all veg. Pass the parsnips.
4. Turdurken. Yes, it's true. Someone foul-loving freak with a cavalier disregard for the natural order of things invented Turducken - that's a turkey, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken. Get stuffed.
5. Christmas music. Take everything (except Slade) and shove it, including you Mariah. And you Cliff.
6. It’s A Wonderful Life. Everyone wangs on about this movie like it was The Godfather, when it's really just godawful. Home Alone is still good for lolz though.
7. Novelty Christmas Jumpers. Another unwelcome American addition to our European Christmas. Expensive, omnipresent and supposed to be fun, but actually just make you look like an asshat with a flashing Christmas pudding on your chest.
8. People who camp out for the sales on Boxing Day (or as we call it, St. Stephen’s Day). What, you haven’t shopped enough already?
A christmas scene. The Holy family, Jesus, Joseph & Mary all togethe. Germany9. The Virgin Mary. Our favourite Christmas conception miracle, I mean myth.
10. Trying to carry on the Santa lie after your kids have copped on. Really, just stop it with all this 'leaving a snack out for Santy' business parents, you’re being really embarrassing.
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