Lord of the Dance
‘I have a Guinness after every show’:  Paul Merton tells all as Have I Got News For You returns
Entertainment

‘I have a Guinness after every show’: Paul Merton tells all as Have I Got News For You returns

COMEDIAN Paul Merton returns to our screens tomorrow in the hit show Have I Got News For You.

Born in Fulham, South London in 1957, his real name is Paul Martin.

His father was a train driver and his mother Mary Ann was a nurse, who hailed from Co. Waterford and whom he credits with encouraging him along his career path.

Merton and co-star Ian Hislop have featured on Have I Got News For You since the show first launched in September 1990.

It returns to the BBC tomorrow evening for its 66th series. In honour of that, Merton and Hislop have shared some little-known facts about the show…

There's nothing they don't know about the other - or indeed, want to know..

Paul: He doesn't want to know anything about me – he has a nosebleed when he talks to somebody of my social status!

Ian: No! I'm fascinated by people like Paul! How do they live? What do they eat for breakfast? I mean, the whole thing is absolutely charming!

Paul: Ha ha ha!

The show has lots of celebrity fans, including Paul McCartney (who told The Adam Buxton Podcast)

Paul: Oh really? That's nice to know. That's great. I mean, Paul McCartney has given me a great deal of personal pleasure over the years… and I like his music as well! I've met him five times and it was only on the fifth time I met him that I was able to talk like a normal person… For Ian it would be like meeting William Deedes... who was on the show!

Ian: And I was incredibly excited.

Paul: He didn't take a selfie, he had a brass rubbing done.

Alexander Armstrong holds the record for the most stints as guest host – his next appearance (October 13) will be his 40th time in the host’s chair!

Ian: I think the main quality of a great guest host is just to say, ‘Ian, what do you think?’ And then be quiet for about 45 minutes! Maybe till the end of the long first round… I think that’s important!

Paul: You find that generally actors are great at doing it because they are used to sharing the stage with other people. David Tennant for example, is superb, because he's used to being in situations where he's not the only one talking. So he won't interrupt until it feels like you've run out of steam or you've come to a natural conclusion.

Ian: I'll tell you who's also been really good, Mel Giedroyc. She was absolutely fabulous. She wanted everyone to be part of a gang. She kept saying ‘hello, gang’. Which was great because Paul and I really don't like gangs!

Paul: Can you imagine the one gang that would feature the two of us? It would have to be a broad church!

The cardboard panels at the back of the set revolve using a contraption made with a bike chain

Paul: We’ve never had a go at turning them ourselves. Does Ian look like he's ever done manual labour in his life? The closest he's ever got to manual labour is saying ‘I don’t think that wall's straight, can you do it again?'

Ian: [Laughing] It seems to me to be taking away perfectly good jobs from the people who need them. I don't know what sort of Britain you want to live in!

Paul: He wants to live in a Britain where somebody else is turning the handles!

Have I Got News For You returns tomorrow evening (Pics: BBC)

If Ian and Paul had to settle unanimously on a favourite guest, it would be Peter Cook

Ian: It was incredibly exciting having Peter on, he was an absolute classic. He’s like Paul in that he answered no questions about the news. And he talked for nearly 15 minutes about moths. It was just brilliant. I was just reminded why some people are geniuses.

Paul: When you have a comic hero of yours when you're young or in your early teens, and you then meet them, nothing quite beats that thrill. Peter was very good.

Jeremy Clarkson is the only guest to draw blood

Ian: He threw a biro at me! He just wouldn't believe it. He chucked a biro at me because I was mildly rude to him, certainly by his own standards. I thought I was extremely polite. But he threw this biro at me right here on my cheek and I've still got the mark. It drew blood but then he said, ‘No, no, that’s just red ink. You've painted that on’. So they had to stop the show, which he was very cross about. And then they patched me up. A few weeks later, I got a letter from him saying, ‘My wife says I should apologise to you’. It's not many people that have attempted to take my eye out with a biro. Not since school, obviously, where it was most days [laughing].

Paul: And that would have been a quill.

William Shatner is the only guest to libel an entire town - and use his pay check to buy horses

Ian: I really enjoyed William Shatner. He managed to libel Ilfracombe, for which he had to apologise.

Paul: No, he didn't apologise.

Ian: WE did. We apologised!

Paul: The former Mayor of Ilfracombe said: ‘Look, you know, Ilfracombe isn't riddled with prostitution. We very much resent that suggestion.’ And William Shatner apparently replied back, saying ‘I think you'll find it is.’

Ian: But he was a brilliant host. And he's the only other person apart from Alexander Armstrong who sang during the show! He sang the questions, which was fabulous.

Paul: He did a very good job considering he had no idea who we were or who the people in the news were! But, if you look at his CV, he was playing large parts in live Shakespeare plays on Canadian television in the late 1950s. So, he's got a certain ability about him.

Ian: I asked him ‘Why have you come on this show?’ And he said, ‘because my wife wanted to look at white horses to buy in Austria and it was a really easy flight over and I thought it might pay for it.’ I thought that's top motivation for doing the show.

Ian and Paul don’t go near the post-show edit suite

Ian: Can you imagine? I'd be in the edit going, ‘I think that bit with Paul doesn't work, can you lose the third bit with him?’

Paul: I wouldn't be like that... I'd just say ‘is there no way we can just block off Ian’s side of the screen? Just show some wildlife. Foxes playing with a beach ball.’

They both have a drink together after every show

Paul: I drink Guinness. Or Irish stout.

Ian: I’ll have a glass of sherry, possibly…

Paul: [Laughing] Yes, out of a bishop's hat!

Have I Got News For You returns for a 66th series, catch it each week from Friday, October 6 on BBC One and BBC iPlayer